Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Random thoughts

My son is only 5 1/2 weeks old, but he has already grown so much. Being a mother comes with a roller coaster ride of emotion and desire. I look at my sweet baby and want him to stay my sweet baby forever, yet I look forward to the times that he is resonding to my actions, and able to interact with me. The lack of sleep plays into those desires alot, when I have had little sleep due to his fussing, I really long for the day that he is older and goes to bed at 8 and wakes up when it is time to go to daycare!!!

It is begining to feel less surreal that I have a son. And to contradict that I will add that being referred to as a 'mom' by others still feels weired.

The most trying part of having a new baby is the lack of sleep and the constate of being out of it. I have a tendancy to not think before I speak, often referred to jokingly as 'foot in mouth syndrome'. Lack of sleep has always itensifyed that syndrome in me, and when you had lack of sleep to lack of 'me time' you get an exterme case of this syndrome. I have been getting easily irritated over the smalles things and saying something about it, which is not neccesary. Now, my husband also has had lack of sleep, and as we all do he gets a little more irritated then usual. The combination of his irritabilty and my foot in mouth syndrome was leading to an unfortunate situation between us(also through in the fact that we really have not had 'us' time). Although we were 'loosing it' together, my wonderful husband suprised me by coming through at the last minute.

I was so exahusted the other night and lost it, I was tired mad at myself for various things that I had said mad at Mike just becuase I was so tired. I had reached that breaking point which pushed Mike to his breaking point. I was sobbing and said to Mike "I don't know what to do, I am so tired and so frustrated I just don't know what to do." Up to this point, he had been frustrated by my tears, but as I stood there holding the baby, sobbing, I looked over at him and he had just melted. His response was one that I wish we had said far earlier. "We need to pray". Why is it that when we are in the middle of emotional termoil we forget the one Being that can remove all of our frustration. Needless to say we prayed, and after that there was this wondeful peace! We were no longer frustrated with eachother, we were able to laugh. We were still exhausted and the baby was still fussy, but we were at peace. It was wondeful and God is awesome!!!

Lack of sleep is starting to set in and my brain is begining to freeze, so I shall end my blog today by saying this. Inspite of the lack of sleep and crying, I would not trade it in for anything.

1 comment:

Christie said...

Don't feel alone my friend. Heath and I yelled at each other for at least the first 6mo! It does get better :)