Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Life is what you make it

The phrase “Life is what you make it” has been floating through my mind the past month or so. Along with it is the question “Really, is it?”

Today, as I read my email the saying again came to mind again.  My family is at a place of desperation. I need a job. I need something to bring in enough money to start paying down our debt, and bring us to a place of financial peace.  I have had four, yes four interviews, and three of them have been no’s.  I am still waiting on the answer from the fourth.

As I laid in bed, wondering why, tears streaming down my face, I asked God, desperately, Why? Why did I not get that job?  A friend reminded me via text, that maybe I did not get a yes from this job, because God was keeping me from having to choose between that job (which made good money) and the other ideal job which met our needs and allowed for a little extra.  I am still waiting, and if that is a no, I will probably cry and again ask God why, but I will also know that HE has a plan. He has never NEVER failed me.

GOD HAS NEVER FAILED ME… I always thing of those who do not believe in God, who do not have faith… and my heart breaks.  How can one not believe or have faith in something bigger than themselves?  In my times of difficulty, when my brother died, when my parents fought, when that boy broke my heart, I had God to cling to, to cry out to.  How do those who do not believe in God coup?

“Have I not commanded you do not be afraid nor dismayed for the Lord they God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

It is that which I cling to. It is the hope that I cling to. In those moments when I feel hopeless (right not being one of them) I turn to my God who has commanded me to NOT be afraid…. Wow. If he commands it, then he must have a plan, and although in my humanity I experience fear and anxiety, I have NOTHING to fear…. He has plan….  It may not be my plan… heck if that were the case I would not have an amazing husband and a beautiful boy… I may lose my home, and many ‘things’ but I will never lose three things that are so important to me… My faith, my husband and my son…. Praise God.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

"Getting Unstuck"

What a ride…. Life is crazy, wonderful, awful and just plain insane.  But the most amazing thing about it all is that God is in control. 

My life this past year has been rough… emotional turmoil has abounded.  I have always been an uber emotional person, to whom tears burst at the mere mention of stress…. Anxiety is my norm… And yet through it all I attempt to hold on to the mantel of Gods peace.  This means that I go through moment’s of pure stress, followed by peace… which is fleeting due to my humanity.

As another period of change approaches, I am again going through a moment of anxiety and stress… yet, this time, I am attempting to cling to the peace the Christ offers in a more conscious fashion than I have in the past.  I am still allowing for God to move, but I am taking a more active role in pursuing the desired peace than I have in the past.  I think this is due to the fact that I am thinking outside the box. I see that my choices in how I handle my stress and anxiety not only affect me, but it affects my son and my husband far more than I had ever realized. 

As I am making some decisions that go against the so called ‘easy way’ I am opening doors to opportunity’s I never would have seen had I chosen to continue down my path of self pity.

One area that has been a constant struggle for me has been my decision over a year ago to become a Mary Kay consultant.  When I choose to ‘take the plunge’, I was full of hope and anticipation. I saw that this was a company with integrity.  I was drawn to that, and then self doubt and lack of confidence took hold and began to fight the desire become more than what I ever allowed myself to be.  Today, as I had a conversation with a friend about my ability to continue down the path of becoming a Mary Kay Consultant, a new door was opened to me… I am terrified, but I am stepping through it.  I took steps towards growing my business (albeit small steps, but steps none the less).  One of those ‘baby’ steps was to watch some of the videos that Mary Kay provides to their consultants to help them grow their business.  Wow- that sums it up….

I can count on one hand the times that God has had to slap me upside the head and say “Janet, this is what you need to do to fix things for now.” Those are the moments when all area’s of my life are telling me the EXACT SAME THING.  Maybe not word for word, but the message is the same.    In this situation the Mary Kay Power video for the month had the appropriate title “Getting unstuck”.  As I listened to the message of how this applied to growing my Mary Kay business, strings of how this could apply to my daily thought life, and my marriage and my parenting rang through LOUD and CLEAR.  Praise God… he is all knowing and all caring… He knows even better than myself what I need.   I have been in the slump, and I am not going to kid myself that this revelation has brought me out of it, but it has given me a rope to hold on to. It has provided me with hope.  And if I have to watch this video every day in order to believe that I can do it; in order to believe that I will not fail… then that is what I will do.

My Favorite quote from the power video of the month is “you will win if you don’t quit”.  I also read somewhere recently that had JK Rowling given up after her first rejection letter we would not have Harry Potter.(remember how I said God was trying to tell me something.)  If she can live through rejection after rejection and preserver to bring the world a wonderful story, so can I preserve through self doubt and fear to bring the world a bit of who I am… My passion, my faith, my self.  I am amazing. God does not make carbon copies… he does not make failures. He makes amazing individuals who have amazing gifts to offer every person they encounter.  I need to remember this, I need to allow God to bless other’s through me.