God's Will

Ephesians 1:11

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.

I finally picked up my Bible today (outside of church) and decided that I needed to read it.  Things have been rough lately. We are struggling to make ends meet. We have only been able to do it this month because of savings. All the while I am looking for a job to replace the one I lost over a year ago and the unemployment insurance I lost about a month ago.  I have put out more applications than I can count, and I have had four interviews, and four “thank you but we decided to go with someone who was better qualified” responses.  Needless to say, I am discouraged.  I am losing confidence, and I am just plain angry right now.

Questions are floating through my mind,

“Why is this happening?”

“Lord, your word say’s you will provide, why then are we possibly going to lose so much that we have worked very hard for?”

My church has been reading through Ephesians for some time.  Last week’s word spoke to me… it got me thinking, if that spoke to me, maybe I should read it from the start and allow it to speak to me some more.

As I read the blessing I started to get angry again… let’s be honest here, I am not in a happy place. I am floundering, looking for something solid, and feeling like everything around me is crumbling.  I don’t want to hear that I am blessed, because I sure don’t feel like I am.  But then I hit verse 11.  God spoke to something in me that has been nagging at me for some time…  He is working out everything….EVERYTHING to the purpose of his will. 

I grew up in the church. I have always been the ‘good little Christian girl’.  I have lived my life doing the best that I can to not ‘sin’ and do those things that might cause me guilt.  But the nagging thing was the question “What am I doing to further God’s kingdom?”

So, how does this scripture apply to what I am going through? How does the fact that I might stand to lose a lot relate to God working everything out to the purpose of his will?  It has everything to do with it.  He is stripping me down, and I have the choice right now to take up his Cross, to allow the rebuilding of my life to become part of his plan, to become part of his will.  I can choose to allow him to use me to further his kingdom.  I may end up with no physical possessions, but I will have the most important things, my faith, my family and my friends.

I don’t want to lose those physical possessions, but I am willing to if that is what God has in his plan.  I don’t want to lose my home and my cars, but those are things that society has made to be important, and although a roof over my head is a necessity, my idea of what that needs to be and Gods idea, might be very different.  I am afraid… the pit in my stomach is growing, but as I turn to him, and know that He has a plan, the pit is momentarily eased, and my faith is renewed.  I shall return to his word again tomorrow, to look for the peace that only he can provide. It is a daily struggle, and from this day forward I am asking God to hold me while I go through it, and beyond.