Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Getting back on track

requires some discipline. There are times when I am spot on, I am filling out my daily task list, reading my devotional, keeping my home organized and clean, and then pow.... the organization decides to take a hike. Or... well to be honest I decide that I just don't want to function on the level of a regular human being. I decide to not take my medication (see previous post) and I spiral into this depression that takes me away from my duties. I try and put on a brave face, I do my best to 'pretend' that everything is okay, I tend to think I am a pro at this. Normally, after one of these periods I berate myself, but I have learned that is counter-productive. If I want to get to the place of peace that exists in my turmoil, beating myself up is pointless.

God has been speaking to me a lot lately, and due to the bout of depression that I have felt of late, I have really been struggling with listening to him. I have felt that it was too difficult to do what he asked. One of the ways he choose to speak to me last night was through a dream. The content of the dream is private, but the lesson is something I think at some point everyone learns. Some learn it the hard way, while others learn through others, or in my case through a dream. In this dream my heart was broken. I was devastated, yet a conversation that took place made me realize my part in that heart brake. I choose to focus on my fears and depression instead of on what I could do for others. The song JOY comes to mind.
J-O-Y, J-O-Y tell me what it means:
Jesus first yourself last and others in between.

It is a child's song, but something that we forget often as we grow up. When you focus on fears and sadness there is no room for joy and happiness. You create a vicious cycle that creates more fear and sadness.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

This was a verse that a friend shared with me many years ago, and oddly enough, this weekend at my garage sale, a women picked up a bible I was selling, and it literally fell open to that verse, which I had underlined. She was sharing it with some single moms in a bible study, and it reminded me that the fear I have been giving in to is not of God...

So, I am going to do the best that I can to turn from the fear, and get back on track, focusing on J-O-Y.

1 comment:

Christie said...

"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." Anne of Green Gables :)