Thursday, December 17, 2009

Coming to some hard realizations

I have come to a very hard realization today. I have a problem. It is not an uncommon one. Not in the slightest. In fact I am sure more people have this problem than are willing to admit it. I am a compulsive spender. Now, it doesn’t matter what I am spending my money on, but I do it, regardless of the consequences. My Husband has requested, numerous times, that I let him know BEFORE I make the purchase to make sure that we have the money, which is not a bad thing, as he is the one who pays the bills and knows our financial situation better than I do. Yet time and again, I continue to make the same choice…. CHOICE, wow, it just hit me that I am making the choice to sabotage my financial peace.

What am I going to do about it? I am going to make the choice to fix it. I have attempted to many times in the past, but I believe that was only half hearted. It was the disappointment in my husband’s voice as he talked to me about it this morning. He was truly frustrated, and hurt that I kept blatantly disregarding what he was telling me about our finances. I was not listening that at such and such a time we do not have the money to be spending on this, or that. I made a call today. To a friend who is facilitating the Financial Peace University, by Dave Ramsey, and signed myself up, I told my husband that I want him to come, so that we can be on the same page, but that it was something that I need to do. I hope that through it all, not only will our finances be in order, but the emotional connection that I have towards those finances will also be in order.

The interesting thing is a lot of things are starting to fall into place in my life. I am finally getting my house in order, in such a manner that I do not feel frustrated every time I walk into one room or another. It is an exhilarating feeling to have accomplished this goal. I enjoy my time at home more, and with my son. I think the fact that I let go and let God help me gain control of my frustration and obsessive compulsive tendencies helped me come to a place where I said, “I am only doing what I can do.”

My problem is that I bit off more than I can chew by myself. I need to let go and let God have control and release to me what I can handle. If only I remembered that every minute of everyday.

No comments: