With Great Sacrifice Comes Great Joy

Right now I am so exhausted! I want to write and update on my life, but I just don’t seem to have much energy of late.

Being a mom, while working at a full time job is very difficult. I feel that there is much that I must sacrifice. At time it is keeping the house clean, at others it is spending time with my Son (eventually laundry and dishes must be done). Along with this sacrifice comes a deep feeling of guilt. Am I a good Mom? Am I doing the best for my son? Could I be doing better? Most days it is easy to answer those questions, Yes I am a good mom, Yes, I am doing the best for my son, and Yes of course I could be doing better (God did NOT make me perfect).

But today… today is one of those difficult days where the thought of going to work tomorrow brings me to a point of tears, as I look at my son (who is currently attempting to eat the little mirror on his excersaucer). I wonder what I could do to make it possible for me to stay home. It has nothing to do with the lack of sleep I am getting, I don’t mind that, if I were a stay at home mom that would not change. It has everything to do with the fact that I thought I would not mind working and raising a baby. I thought it would be easy. I thought that I was not the type of person who would do well being a stay at home mom. But as I see my son grow every day I realize how wrong I was. I know that tomorrow or in a day or two, I will go back to being okay with being a working mom, realizing that it is the life I have chosen, and I will embrace it. But right now… right now is not that time.

I part with an adorable pictures of my little man (more to come later). The one I do not want to be parted from right now.

Four years down... many more to go.

Today is my fourth anniversary… four years of marriage to a wonderful, handsome man. The father of my beautiful child… my heart still skips a beat when I think of him… Okay… done with the mushy stuff.

Reflecting back on my life I never thought I would get to this point. I am Happy with my life. I am content with the way things are right now (okay the disastrous kitchen does make a small mark on that contentment, but it is tiny and I am working on letting that go). Just over four years ago I NEVER thought that I would be in this place… Married with a son and a home. I was unaware of what God had for me. But here I am sitting in a room with my wonderful man, just being content. I have my dog at my feet, the baby is sleeping in the next room, and I am writing…. Yes I have found time to write.

Although there are a lot of things I expected of my life, this was not it… I wanted this, but I did not expect it. Contentment. Who would have thought. I have a lot of work to do still on becoming the Godly woman I want to become, but I am going to bask in the beauty of the moment. The beauty that is my life right now… What more could someone ask for in these times. I have security, even if the economy is floundering I have what matters most in the world, my family.

My life has come a long way from the girl who was boy crazy. I would have to say that I am still boy crazy… I am crazy about my boys… The best boys in the world.