Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Time Grows Closer

In eight days I will be going in for major surgery. I know that in the past I have talked a little about the reason for this. But I feel the need to divulge more. Maybe it will be a cathartic experience, allowing me to release some of the anxiety I am feeling at the thought of what I am about to do. Maybe I just need to tell my story and all the ways it has affected me.

To start with, I have Ulcerative Colitis, (to find out more detailed info click here). I, however, will give a brief description. I have ulcers in my colon (70% of it to be exact). What this means to me is, when I have to go, you better get out of my way. And the accidents that I have had, well lets just not talk about that. Things that others take for granted, such as going for a nice walk, going to the park, riding a bike, or even going grocery shopping without having to leave your cart and drag your infant/toddler to the bathroom with you all the while hoping you do not have one of those ‘accidents’, those are things that I cannot do without worry.

In my desperate search for an ‘answer’ to my problem, I have been on a number of medicines that have done little to nothing, Prednisone being the one that has had the ‘best’ results. When I say best, I am only saying that it has kept me out of the hospital, along with allowing me to not have those dreaded accidents as frequently as I might without. Prednisone has been referred to by some as a ‘devil’ drug. Well, let me tell you, the side effects may not be pleasant, and its long term affects are undesirable, but the short term affects have been what have held me together. The negative side effects have been as follows: 1. Pudgy face. 2. Increased appetite hence increased weight. 3. Anxiety (for me that means increased anxiety). 4. Hyper activity (insane desire to clean house at odd hours of the day) and 5. Occasional difficulty getting to sleep, and not to mention the effects of decreasing and going off the drug. For some reason those have been more severe for me as I attempt to go off of it in preparation for my surgery. Apparently I suffer from severe allergies, and guess what else prednisone is used for…. Allergy sufferers. So, as I go off prednisone, let the allergy issues commence.

The issues with the medication, and lack of the ability to find one that works is one of the major contributing factors in my resolve to have this surgery. Among the other reasons, is a little boy, named Ronin… the most adorable boy in the whole world.

When I had him it was probably the happiest moment next to marrying his daddy. Then I had to go to the bathroom… and let me tell you, when you have to put your infant down to run to the bathroom, all the while hearing him scream… it is not fun. I want to be able to take my little man to the park, to the zoo, and other fun places with out wondering if I am okay, or if they have enough restrooms. I want to go on road trips with my husband and son, and not worry that we might not make it to the next rest stop… That is not how I want to live my life.

So… What exactly am I having done…. I am removing the problem. I am having my colon removed. Yes, it is extreme. But it is the only answer. Once its gone, well… I will not have Ulcerative colitis anymore. The actually process is two surgeries. The first is to remove the colon and create the ‘j-pouch’ which will eventually take the place of the colon, and the second is to re-attach everything. In the interim I will have a colostomy bag (not looking forward to this part) while the j-pouch heals. Once the j-pouch has healed, I will have it re-attached and then everything will be great….. I hope.

Frankly I am freaked out. I am NOT looking forward to the bag…. I am, however looking forward to the ‘recovery’ time, as I will be out of work!!!! I need to have the forced down time.
Well, for now that is it. I must return to work.

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