Head banger

I sigh heavily as I sit down to write tonight. It has been one of those days. You all know them, the one that makes you just want to take the advice of the sign that many people have hanging on their office wall, "bang head hear!"

I will preface with this. I love my job! Let me say that again I LOVE my job. It is the first “real” job that I have had. Mostly up until this point I have worked retail (which I hate with a passion I cannot fully put into words) or those tedious repetitive jobs that make you want to pull your hair out because there is nothing better to do. But it is days like today that the tedium of my old jobs is something I long for. I look at my desk and see the piles of paper getting larger, and the phone keeps ringing with return calls, half the time can’t even remember why I called them in the first place. ( I’m supposed to note it in our computer system, but I am creative and that sometimes is too concrete for me hehe). To top it all off we had a procedure meeting, heavy sigh! We are a relatively new department so certain things have not had a ‘set’ way of doing them, and this meeting was meant to clarify things. I laugh out loud and ask how that was supposed to help… I don’t know… really I don’t know.

I take a few moments and pause, calling my dog, as she probably has gotten into the garbage again. I have decide to close the door, so she can’t get to the garbage ( I am SO clever). Coming back to my computer, my thoughts have made a slight course adjustment… which it often does. I don’t even need a brief pause, I will, as many of my acquaintances will attest to, jump from one topic of conversation to the next with out any prior warning. The one thing about writing that has an advantage over talking in real life is that I can prepare you for my course adjustment, and any alterations. All this to say that what I want to say next is only partially related to what I have already said. (Oh My I even amaze myself sometimes.)

Isn’t it odd that society has somehow ingrained in us that we should be a certain way. I mean take my work situation. As I mentioned I have worked slightly above minimum wage jobs most of my life post high school life. Some of which drove me to a near nervous breakdown due to my extreme hatred of them (Wal-Mart/State farm Call Center). I had convinced myself that being in my late 20’s and working at some of these jobs was degrading, I mean I am told that I am intelligent (don’t always believe it, but hey) and due to this vote of confidence from friends, family, and an odd stranger here and there I felt like I was far above the jobs I had work. I would tell my self that I was worth more than this. Now… when you really take a look at the why behind those jobs, a whole new story comes to light. So, what was they why behind these jobs. I have my bachelors. I worked at Wal-Mart to pay the bills while I got that. The State farm Call Center job was also a job to help pay the bills while I was working on my Master’s ( I was married by this time). I have finally found a job that allows me to use my mind… I get to make important decisions, and I am not jus the girl behind the cash register or on the other end of the phone line annoying the heck out of you. It is not my dream job, but I love it.

So what does this mean. It means that society doesn’t matter. When you boil it all down, you have to make the decision of how to perceive your world. Are you going to let the preconceived prejudices of this world hold you down and make you feel less worth. My answer to that is: heck no. This world, sadly enough, is corrupt, and in that corruption these preconceived notions of what is the norm are born. I have not read my bible in too long, but one thing that I do know, God died for me… if I was the only person on the planet, He would have died for me. He is the one that we should be looking to for validation, not the person on the other side of the cash register, not even the people who read my blogs (although I appreciate comments). When someone speaks something to you in love, take it, evaluate it and grow. When someone makes an off hand remark about where you are in your life, remind yourself that you are just where God has placed you, and don’t let that off hand remark get you down. This is something that I often have to remind myself off, along with those I love.

I always feel as though I should have some wise word to sum things up with, a ‘good ending.’ But all I can say is this… live your life the way YOU want to live your life… not the way that society says you should.