With a new Vigor

After a long hiatus from both my blog (not unusual) and my weight loss journey (again not unusual) I am back with a vigor (or at least I hope so).

The other day, while helping a friend clean her house, I saw that she had a Wii Fit.  I have wanted to ‘try’ before I go out and spend the money, so I took a leap and asked.  Well, to boil it down, it is now mine. And after having it sit in my house for exactly one week, I decided now was a good time to hook that baby up and give it a whirl. And boy am I glad I did.  The set up was tedious, and it says my body age is 54 (too which I was initially shocked and then as I recalled the major aches and pains in my body as I moved around my house this morning I nodded in agreement). It also says I am overweight… (sigh).  But with a little bit of work, I intend to get myself back on track.

I keep finding excuses to not do what I need to do… and for once in my life I can whole heartedly say they are not legitimate excuses. I found myself saying “I really don’t care” but deep in my heart knowing that I really did.  I also found myself turning to Cheetos and soda when I was feeling down.  This is a new thing for me.  The main reason I gained all the weight I did was not due to emotional eating, it was due to a change in activity level (college= walking everywhere, 40 hour week job = sitting on my tush) and no change in diet.  It also was due to eating when I was hungry because there was nothing to do with my hands.

Since the loss of my job, and the eminent loss of my unemployment checks, I have become majorly stressed out. And now I turn to Cheetos…. Yes, Cheetos are the bane of my existence (along with hot artichoke dip). Being an emotional person, this can be a problem. I need to figure out how to work around this problem.

With that said, I will tackle one thing at a time. Cheetos will no longer be purchased, and the Wii Fit is my friend. And I return to my blog to share my journey.

Today I worked out, and blogged…. I am happy, and now I get to go and get my little man up (I hear his cute mumblings from his room).  It is a good day.

From the Heart

I have a pit in my stomach… it is that inexplicable feeling that is akin to missing something.  As it is inexplicable, putting words to it seems somewhat redundant… if I could put words to it, I might not have it.  Overall it is an amalgamation of stress, fear, frustration and excitement.  I am at a cross roads in my life, aren’t we always though?  I am at a place that requires an income of some sort sooner rather than later. I am also at a place where I don’t want to do what is required for said income… plain and simple.  I realize that if we were not in debt I would not be here. We could make ends meet and live comfortably while I pursue my creativity as a source of income without the pressures of a deadline.

That said, who is to say I cannot pursue my creativity as a source of income while searching for the ‘normal’ job that is expected of me by some?  No one, no one but myself that is.

I am a talented person, who is creative and can learn quickly and easily many different things. I can crochet, cook and am picking up knitting and sewing, I am a writer, and an artist… so what is the problem. The problem is I am repeating what was told me earlier today by a dear friend.  There is a disconnect somewhere in my being. I may be good at all of those things, “but what does that matter?” I often ask myself.  Or the other question is “how do I make something of it?”  I feel at a loss.  I feel as though it does not matter that I am good at all those things, and that is sad… and unfair.  Who is it unfair to, you may ask?  It is unfair to my creator, the one who gave me the ability to do each and every thing that I am good at.

As I type that, the parable of the talent’s comes to mind.  I master gave his servants some money (then called talent’s) and told them to take care of it. One buried it while another invested it…. (this is paraphrased and not so well I am sure).  The moral of the story is that God gave us talents to invest, not to squander and hide, or bury as the man did in the parable.

My talent’s are gifts. My gifts are to be used and shared with others. I am to present them to people as a form of worship.  It is a revelation that I have been coming to for some time.  It is also something that scares the ba-jeebes out of me.  What if…. This always pops into my head at those times when I am about to embark on a new journey, and often keeps my feet firmly planted in the ‘do nothing’ spot far longer than I care to admit.

My hearts desire is to do the lords will.  I love my creativity. I pray that following in a path that allows me to use it to bring in income to my family therefore allowing me to be the best wife and mother possible is God’s desire for me.  I am taking a step out from that ‘do nothing’ spot.  As I said to my friend many many years ago ‘I need a scene of changery…. Wait no, a change of scenery’. So here’s to a scene of changery, whatever that means to my life now…. Lord Change my Scenery.