Today I am starting a journey….
What kind of a journey, you ask?
Good question- I am still asking myself that question. I had the
intention of going gluten free…. Changing my diet to maybe make things better….
It all started with an article… Oh the dreaded article.
But…. This article was different. It was written by a woman who
struggle with Ulcerative Colitis, the exact same medical condition that I had…
Only her road was a bit different than mine. She chose to pursue a healing diet. I envy her ability to follow through on this
path… I tried a number of times to make that change… I failed each time. It was
too big, too scary and there was not enough support. I may be strong. Everyone tells me I am, I
have faced some pretty tough stuff in my life, but this one area brought me to
my knees in tears. I had a debilitating
medical condition that was only made bearable by drugs that suppressed the
immune system. I had doctors laugh at me for thinking that just changing what I
ate would allow me to live a normal life. I ended up making the decision to
have surgery. I don’t regret that
decision. In anyway shape or form….
I just wish I had the courage this woman had to make the necessary dietary
changes. To explore the path that she explored…. But alas I did not. I lead a better life now, no doubt. I can go
for a walk with out fear of an ‘accident.’ I can drive to visit family hours away with
out mapping every single rest stop praying I can make it from one rest stop to
the other (although I still have them memorized). But I still have a way to go… I still need to
find something that is missing….
After having read
Against All Grain’s introduction and what prompted
this woman on her journey, I began to realize that it is not about the diet… it
is about finding what works for you… I have no colon, I had it removed, and so
my dietary needs are a bit different. But, what I learned, what finally hit
home to me is that in all of her struggles, in all of her research, and in all
her final decisions, Peace stood out… Peace with her choices, peace with her
body…
My Journey is about peace… What ever choices that are made, whatever
roads I go down, Peace with myself is the ultimate Goal. God made me, God has a
plan for me, and that plan is to find peace in the now. (along with a few other
things, but you get the gist). If I find peace with myself, things should start
working out a little better….
My problem is I am queen of worrying (who is with me?) My mother taught
me the ways of a worrier well (I love you mom, and don’t blame you,
generational curse and all). And so, as I approach my diet, and my lifestyle, I
do it slow, and steady and with a bit of trepidation.
Why trepidation, you might ask? Needless to say, there are nay-sayers
out there, people who, sometimes unintentionally, will say something about what
you are doing that may stop you in your tracks.
Things like “you aren’t doing it right” or “how about this” (which is
passive aggressive for the first statement).
Those words, to this worrier over here, are like a knife to the
heart. They bring to mind unhappy
thoughts of, “what if I am doing it wrong,” and “I failed so many times before,
what makes me think this time is any different?”
And hence the journey to peace…. Not to a better life style, not
to healthier eating…. But to finding peace in the life style and eating habits
I choose to follow. Yes, I need to eat better, Yes I need to make some changes
to my family’s daily life…. BUT, and I capitalized that on purpose, I am not
going to let anyone else tell me what that means. Be it going gluten free… (which I really don’t
think is possible for this bread loving girl) or minimizing it just to see the
numbers on the scale move in the right direction…. I will not let anyone, and I
mean anyone, judge me… I will not let
any comments on my face book page cause me to doubt myself or my decisions. My journey is to find peace with MY life…. Not
what others think about what I am doing in my life.
So step 1 A: Spend time reading the bible and praying for my family. Step
2A: Work on eating better.
